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have immeasurable power
Greg Hunter
Vice President,
Public Affairs,
Ga. Family Council
On a recent PBS special about Thomas Jefferson, historian Garry Wills said:
"I think the thing to remember from Jefferson is the power of the word ... That words beautifully shaped reshape lives. That a person who has certain disadvantages and flaws and even crimes, like holding slaves, can transcend his imprisonment within reality by casting out words that take you into a new reality."
As a "words guy" I was moved by this statement. If you weren't, take a minute and read the quote again - slowly.
Thomas Jefferson, the man credited with crafting the Declaration of Independence more than 230 years ago, obviously believed in the power of words. In an era long before computers, e-mail or even electric typewriters, Jefferson carefully put together words that had the power, according to Wills, to take people "into a new reality."
Jefferson's powerful words helped bring a new nation into being, and painted a picture of what this country could be - should be. In doing so, he cast a vision of this nation's future for both its citizens and those in power in England.
While Thomas Jefferson's words actually helped shape a country, Wills
Indeed, our words have the ability to do great good or tremendous harm, to bring healing or pain, whether in politics, business, friendships or in our families.
What do your words bring? If your close associates or family were interviewed about the most common effects of your speech, what would they say? Would your children say your words make them feel good and encouraged? Would your spouse say you frequently use words to build up, to praise, to support?
Or would those around you say you nag, correct, "harp" too much. That you consistently show your
Experts believe that positive, encouraging words can make a significant difference in the lives of children, specifically kids diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
"Children thrive on positive attention," wrote Robert Meyers, PhD. "Children need to feel loved and appreciated. Most parents find that it is easier to provide negative feedback rather than positive feedback. By selecting and using some [positive phrases] on a daily basis with your child, you will find that he will start paying more attention to you and will try harder to please. Recent research shows that ADHD children may need more praise than the average child. Unfortunately, because of their behavior they often receive less."
We've all heard stories about kids who were told things repeatedly in their formative years that defined who they became. When parents, family friends or teachers repeatedly say to a kid, "You'll never amount to much" or "Can't you do anything right?" or "Why aren't you more like your sister?" those messages sink in quickly and deeply, often altering what the child thinks of himself.
A good friend of mine was told in her early teens that she had an ugly smile. She believed it because she cared about the person who made the comment, and into her early 20s was still convinced her smile was unattractive. For years, she made a conscious effort to cover it. When I got to know her I told her she had a great smile that lit up her whole face and made her eyes sparkle. And she has beautiful eyes - eyes I've had the privilege of looking into over more than 23 years of marriage.
My wife, a very strong, intelligent and confident woman, had subconsciously bought into the words delivered at a vulnerable period in her life, and they had an impact on her for years.
Are you using your "word power" to build up or to tear down? I promise you this: Your spouse will respond to your positive words like a thirsty plant in the desert - especially if you're not in the habit of paying compliments often. And if that's the case, you may need a little help to get started. Try whichever of these apply:
* I appreciate how hard you work to provide for our family.
* You are a great cook. That was a blue-ribbon meal.
* You look terrific today.
* I'm glad I'm married to you.
* I'm proud of you.
* I respect the way you handled that situation.
* I like your smile.
* Your laughter is like music to my soul.
* You're a good mom/dad - thanks for loving our kids.
* I like you, and I'm glad you're my friend.
I'm sure you can think of additional positive words on your own. The point is - use them! Your words, and the thoughts they convey, contain the power to "reshape lives" and they can reshape a marriage or other important relationship in your life as well.
The end of Wills' quote above may seem a little lofty or confusing when he said, "That a person who has certain disadvantages and flaws and even crimes, like holding slaves, can transcend his imprisonment within reality by casting out words that take you into a new reality."
Wills is referring to past offenses committed by Jefferson, specifically the fact that he was a slave owner. Some historians believe that Jefferson was influenced by the life's work of William Wilberforce, the British Minister of Parliament who fought for decades to see the British slave trade abolished. In his later life, Jefferson was convinced that slave ownership should not be legal, and he became an advocate for abolition.
I include this part of the quote here because we've all made mistakes, whether in word or deed. Mine are too many to count. And they've hurt people. But I am encouraged by Wills' assessment of Jefferson's powerful use of words to, in effect, break out of the prison of your former deeds and bring about a new reality by using new words, positive words, that are good for others. Put another way, it's never too late to change.
Our words have great power - the power to begin nations, the power to correct past wrongs, and the power to reshape the lives of those around us.
Greg Hunter is vice-president of Georgia Family Council, a non-profit organization that works to strengthen and defend the family in Georgia by shaping laws, equipping marriage and family advocates, preparing the next generation and influencing culture. For more information, go to www.georgiafamily.org, (770) 242-0001, gregg@gafam.org.