The Tri-County Journal
& Chattahoochee Chronicle
PO Box 850, 71 Webb Lane
Buena Vista, GA 31803
229-649-6397
tjournal@alltel.net

   Rewind the clock to 1950.
   Most middle class families were maintained on a single income. Back then, men could substantially provide for their families, and oftentimes did so without a college degree. Divorce rates were lower. Out-of-wedlock pregnancy was infrequent. Fathers did not spend three hours a day in the car, fighting traffic.
   Communities were more self-sustaining entities then, successfully providing the “work-life balance” ideal that baffles modern society. Although there were commitments such as church, sports, school and other common family involvements, life on the whole seemed to be quite manageable and most families did not seem to live with the stress levels common today.
   Fast forward to 2006.  
   Many families struggle to survive on a single income because the cost of living is too high. Both parents feel forced to work full time jobs, and often have to commute outside of their community – sometimes very far outside – to get to work. Families wake up incredibly early in the morning to get their day started on time. Children are dropped off at school as much as an hour early so the parents can make it to work.
   The cycle picks up again when parents leave their jobs for the day, begin their commute home and race against other parents who are trying to get their kids from school to the various extracurricular activities such as soccer, ballet, piano, and the like. Then it’s home to prepare dinner, do the dishes, help the kids with homework, bathe the kids, get them to bed and catch up on everything else that needs to be done, such as laundry, bill paying and preparing for the following day. This routine is a typical one for many couples, especially young marrieds with kids. Is there any time left for the marriage? Not often.
   Additionally, in these types of routines, many parents feel guilty about the amount of time they have to work and often try to make it up to their children through money and gifts. And this only adds to the financial pressure many couples feel – the most common cause of stress in marriage.
   And it’s no secret what happens when the patterns of “busy-ness,” financial stress and disconnectedness become the norm. Spouses begin to feel ignored and unappreciated. Alienation, resentment and emotional fatigue occur. As time goes on in this cycle of overextension, marriages begin to crack, break or fall apart altogether.
   I’ve written before about the need for couples to prioritize their lives in a way that leaves time for each other. Today, I’ll say it this way:  Your marriage will leave a lasting impression on your kids. By living out your priorities, you’re telling your children – and your spouse – what’s important to you. Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have coined the statement, “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.”
   If we say family is important and our marriage is our top relational priority, we need to back it up, or others will know we’re not being honest – perhaps even with ourselves. So, what will it take to prove that we mean what we say? I’d suggest saying less and showing more.  In an era that sees so many families overextended, I think there are two lists of things to do to demonstrate how important our family is to us. The first is perhaps the easiest, or at least it’s the most intuitive, the most “commonsensical.”

• Make time for each other. Unclaimed time will be claimed by something or someone else. As a family, you need to claim time on the

• calendar, setting aside a family night, family meal or a breakfast on Saturday morning. If you use a day timer, block off time slots for date nights and other family-supporting events.

• Let your spouse know that you are thinking of him or her. Write a note, send a text message, buy a card or other small gift that says, “I’m glad you’re my friend.”
• Make each other’s relaxation a priority. Take turns and compromise. Perhaps the husband get a hockey game one evening, and the next the wife gets a quiet bath. Do what you can to keep each other sane and retain focus on what’s important.
• Know each other’s love language (how your spouse gives and receives love). It may just take a kiss and a loving word when you get home to make them feel validated and help them survive the rest of the day.

   The second list is a bit shorter, but a lot tougher:

• Take a serious look at your lifestyle and see if it’s what you really want for your family, and for your kids’ future. Remember, you are setting the example for future generations of husbands, wives and parents.
• Consider making tough decisions that will allow you more freedom to spend time with your family. Turn down the promotion, decline the job that requires extensive travel or 60-hour weeks and accept the one that requires 40, look into a new line of work altogether.
• Reset your financial expectations. You can’t take it with you, so why spend so much time seeking to get it? What if you downsized your home or car, your standard of living? You may find that one spouse can stop working and carry more of the load of family management, thereby leaving the whole family less encumbered with busy-ness.

   Take your pick; select a few or all of the items on the lists to show your spouse and your kids how important they are to you. For some of the actions it takes commitment and rare courage; for others, just going a little out of your way can mean so much. 
   Georgia Family Council is a non-profit organization that works to strengthen the family in Georgia by equipping marriage advocates, shaping laws, preparing the next generation and influencing public opinion. For more information, go to www.georgiafamily.org, (770) 242-0001, gregg@gafam.org.