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Painting by these numbers reveals an ugly picture
Number of out-of-wedlock childbirths
up ... and yes, that's a bad thing
Number of out-of-wedlock childbirths
up ... and yes, that's a bad thing
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Opinion section.
By Randy Hicks, president
Georgia Family Council
Whenever I write or talk about out-of-wedlock childbearing I get in some trouble. Invariably, I hear from understandably frustrated single mothers who feel that I'm condemning them and their children to lives of suffering and failure. So let me be clear up front: Single parenthood does not sentence anyone to a failed life.
Many single parents are successful in raising their children and are deserving of high praise for their diligence and hard work in transforming a difficult situation into one that is hopeful and positive. My wife and I have seen this firsthand in our own home a few years ago when we took in an amazing single mom and her son. This mom was and is a hard worker who has organized her
But this single mom would admit in a heartbeat that she and her son are in a less-than-ideal situation. She knows - as does every single mom I've ever talked to about the matter - that her son would have started life off in a better situation had she been married when he was born. (It's worth pointing out that she's not willing to enter into any relationship in order to provide her son with just any father. She's smarter and wiser than that and knows that could just make matters worse, not better. Even marrying the biological father of her son would have been unwise.)
Pardon me if it seems that I am going to great
Okay, here comes the harder-to-hear stuff.
Government health officials issued a report Thanksgiving week revealing that more children are being born out of wedlock than at any other time in American history. Nearly four out of 10 babies born in the United States last year were born to an unmarried mother. The hint of good news in the report is that the birth rate among girls ages 10 to 17 dropped last year to the lowest level on record. That's some news that should encourage us and a trend that we all should hope will be maintained.
So where does the increase in out-of-wedlock births come from? Well, the largest increase came from women in their 20s.
According to an Associated Press (AP) story on the report, experts suggested that this trend is probably being driven by a number of factors, including the tendency to put off marriage until later, increasing cohabitation rates and the broader acceptance of out-of-wedlock childbearing. I've previously addressed the hazards of cohabitation but what especially concerns me in this story is that last item - the growing acceptance of out-of-wedlock childbearing.
The AP story quotes Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an adolescent-medicine specialist from the Morehouse School of Medicine. Dr. Wimberly points out that women in their 20s are less likely to see a problem with having children while unmarried and single women in their 30s and 40s, racing to beat the biological clock, are more likely than ever to have a child irrespective of marital status.
This is not a sign of progress. This is cultural and social regression. A compassionate and, yes, enlightened society should always come to the aid of single moms and children who are missing a parent. But a truly compassionate and enlightened society should never view out-of-wedlock childbearing as something benign for this simple reason - it's not. For society to respond with a collective shrug of the shoulders is a huge mistake that will lead to greater harm.
I'm not advocating that we burden anyone with a crippling sense of shame. As I've said before, we've opened up our home to single moms and fatherless children and have, in our own modest way, cared for single moms and attempted to meet needs. And, stating the obvious, neither should we marginalize the children of unmarried parents. That would be cruel.
What I would advocate is simply this: Placing the needs of children above the desires of adults. This has as much to do with accentuating the positive (i.e. children growing up with married moms and dads) as it does with accentuating the negative (i.e. the potential harms of children growing up without married moms and dads). So while people may want to be parents and certainly have the right to have children whether married or not, people need to understand that getting pregnant outside of marriage is a really bad idea.
I'm aware of the sentiment that may be driving many of these pregnancies - the longing to be a parent. My wife and I know and understand this longing. We went through the dreaded infertility experience for many years and found it to be painful. During that time we became intimately acquainted with the deep desire to be "mom" and "dad." In other words, I know what it's like to have an unmet desire to be a father.
But I also know this: adult desires, no matter how deep and legitimate, should not trump the needs of children. Scores of studies show that, generally speaking, children of married parents do better in every single measurement of child well-being. They're less likely to be poor, drop out of school, abuse drugs, experience psychological struggles or commit suicide. Stated positively, they're more likely to excel academically, hold steady jobs, and enjoy both physical and emotional health. Importantly, they are also more likely to maintain healthy relationships in adulthood.
No matter how uncomfortable it may be, we must reverse the trend of unwed childbearing. To do so, we must learn to talk about marriage as something much greater than just another lifestyle option you may want to choose for yourself and your children. Quite simply, marriage offers the best hope and environment for transporting a child from infancy to responsible adulthood.
Randy Hicks is president of Georgia Family Council, a non-profit organization that works to strengthen and defend the family in Georgia by impacting communities, shaping laws and influencing culture. For more information, go to www.georgiafamily.org, (770) 242-0001, gregg@gafam.org